Family and friends are vitally important in a person’s overcoming of their pain. For this reason, I have outlined some of the key reasons before moving onto the common advice that I give to individuals and their loved ones.
We are each enormously influenced by the people we grow up with and spend time with, as they have a role in shaping our beliefs about ourselves and the world in which we live. This includes of course, our thinking about health and pain that drive our choices of behaviour and on-going thinking. And therein lies an important notion, that of the choice we have to develop our thinking and take on a different perspective, thereby creating new perceptions and realities.
The influence referred to above can, if used wisely, be of immense value in overcoming pain. Wise use relies upon all parties both truly understanding pain and how it emerges in the individual, in other words a working knowledge that can be used practically to inform best action that is congruent with health.
The individual bears their pain, suffering the lived experience moment to moment, yet those around the person also suffer in different ways and for different reasons. In this sense, the fact that we are not existing in isolation, when the person gets better, so do those around them. It is a potent realisation that when we choose to take healthy action, the people around us appear to change, as do the world and our overall reality. This is exemplified by the character played by Bill Murray in the film Groundhog Day.
In short, an individual’s pain experience is flavoured somewhat by the attitudes, behaviours and actions of those around, and indeed those around are influenced by the way that the pain of an individual emerges. For this reason, a treatment programme should embrace these dynamics, which could be studied and described in far more detail than I have here, and lever effect for the benefit of all.
How? There are some simple steps and practices that can be taken, which I have outlined below:
  • Both the individual in pain and his/her family and friends have a working knowledge of the pain emerging in that person, noting the individualistic nature of their pain. A working knowledge permits clear and wise thinking in any given moment, continuing to choose a direction congruent with overcoming pain. Family and friends realise the changeable nature of pain, recognising the influences upon pain and how the intensity and suffering fluctuate moment to moment.
  • With a plan in place, encouragement, support and motivation can be provided by family and friends, using the right language, gestures and actions. The plan points toward the vision, giving direction and a steer to recognise whether the person is being distracted or heading towards health. The plan is devised with the clinician who advises upon day to day, moment to moment strategies and exercises.
  • Family and friends can play an active role in a selection of the treatments, including sensory work, touch based therapies, mindfulness and simply providing company whilst the exercises are performed little and often through the day.
  • Learning when to help and when to promote independence is an evolving skill that blends the practical with an understanding of the person.
People often ask whether family and friends should be involved in their recovery. I would suggest that it is not a case of whether, but rather how they can be involved.