Many people who I meet will describe their pain and guilt.
Naturally they come to tell me about their lived experience of pain and how this impact upon their lives. They narrate a story in which they are the person who has lost their sense of self, who they think that they should be and how they think their life should be. In answer, I will seek to make sense of their story with explanations and a route forward (the coaching and treatment programme). Then we encounter the challenge to surmount feelings of guilt at the thought of dedicating time to ‘me’ in order to overcome the pain. How will I do these things when I have to…….? You can fill the gap with work, be a wife, be a husband, be a mother etc etc. Familiar feeling?
So here is the deal. You actually deserve to get better because you are worth it. One of the common themes in chronic pain is that the sense of self-worth diminishes, if it was not already ground down by life’s experiences over the years. This is certainly something that needs to be worked upon as part of the coaching programme, along with self-belief, self-efficacy, confidence, focus, resilience and motivation to name a few.
How can we do the things that we need to do in both thought and action, if we do not prioritise? It is your job to get better.
A clever programme will easily interlace into your life rather than be seen to be something separate. We have a lived experience and the development of self to change health and pain is moment to moment. It is as simple and as hard as developing new habits using the skills and strengths that you already possess. A clever programme will use your strengths to overcome your pain. And by overcome, I mean resume a meaningful life, and what this means to you — not the clinician or anyone else, you. When you feel like you, according to you, then all those around you will benefit as well. So as much as you may begin by viewing the prioritisation of the programme as being selfish (and I hope you do not now, or did not, but soon you won’t), to be you again requires that you do make this one of your top 3 priorities. You are not separate from your environment or the people in that environment, and hence you need to focus on you and those around you need to develop their thinking about this as well.
For this reason, I encourage partners and family to come to some sessions, or even come on their own to develop their thinking and to see their role in your recovery. You could even start by asking them to read this blog.
To be you is not to be selfish but a vision to be achieved.